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So are you a parent of a child with gender issues.
Did they tell you or did you find out or do you think they might be but you are not sure ???
Is your child a transsexual, crossdresser, transvestite, transgenderist or are you not sure ????
Firstly, your child is still your child, whatever their age !!! They need your love and support now more than ever.
Secondly, it's not their fault, it's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault. In a society that polarises gender into male or female there are bound to be people who do not fit either category exactly or who cross between the categories.
Thirdly, there are lots of different labels and definitions. Please don't let the labels confuse you or misguide you. Also, be aware that individuals can change their views over time.
If your child is up to age 19 there is a dedicated support group for them and their families called Mermaids
For general information on Gender Dysphoria
For those parents who think their child may have gender issues but are not sure:
Your child will have learnt at an early age to hide their gender issues. They will have tried to conform to society's gender models. They may have married and had children of their own. Sometimes the mask slips and they let out signs of their gender dysphoria.
So you think something is not quite right and what should you do about it ?
Do you ask them ???? What would you ask them ??? Suppose you are wrong ??? Suppose you are right ???
General advise to those with gender dysphoria is not to tell others and not to tell their family unless they have to.
Why ? well once the "secret" is out it can never be untold. "Coming out" can have unpredictable consequences for all concerned.
Counselling can be useful, the Pink Therapy network has a directory of therapists around the country with experience of gay, lesbian and transgender counselling. Please do not be put off by the gay and lesbian connection. For many years the gay and lesbian communities have helped and supported the transgender community and share many of the same issues.
If you are worried about your child, worried about what to say to them, or not say to them, counselling can help.
There is an alternative, which is to join a support group, such as Rose's forum which has a dedicated club for parents of trans people. It's an opportunity to find out more about transgender issues and to share your experience with other parents. You will need to register a username and password to access this forum.
You are also welcome to join the Beaumont Society and the Women of the Beaumont Society operate help lines that may be useful for mother's of trans people.
Your child has told you about their gender issues ??
Firstly, don't panic !!!! There is a lot of support and information available for you and your child. The internet has facilitated the development of local and national support groups, all within reach of your computer.
Secondly, talk to your child !!! This may not be easy, especially if they have spent years hiding this from you. The secrecy and breaking of trust can be very damaging to relationships. Remember that it is not their fault, it's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault. By supporting your child you can help them and yourself.
Thirdly, keep what you child has told you confidential. Keeping secrets is not good, it corrodes trust. However, there is a balance to be found between maintaining confidentiality and disclosure. In general, work on a "need to know" basis. Remember that once you have passed on the information, it can never be untold ....
So what sort of support is available ?? Well it splits into two basic types, with considerable overlap between them !!!
If your child has told you that they are transsexual, which being simplistic means that they want to change their gender permanently and live in their new gender 24/7 then there is a UK group called Depend specifically for families of transsexuals that can help you. The Gender Trust also supports families of transsexuals.
If your child is not sure if they are transsexual or if they consider themselves to be a crossdresser or transvestite or a transgenderist or anywhere else in the transgender spectrum then a support group, such as Rose's forum which has a dedicated club for parents of trans people can help. It's an opportunity to find out more about transgender issues and to share your experience with other parents. You will need to register a username and password to access this forum.
The overlap is that Depend will try to do their best to support you even if your child is not transsexual and Rose's forum can help with transsexual issues just as well as non transsexual issues.
You are also welcome to join the Beaumont Society and the Women of the Beaumont Society operate help lines that may be useful for mother's of trans people.
Counselling can be useful for you and your child, the Pink Therapy network has a directory of therapists around the country with experience of gay, lesbian and transgender counselling. Please do not be put off by the gay and lesbian connection. For many years the gay and lesbian communities have helped and supported the transgender community and share many of the same issues.
Counselling can not "cure" gender issues but can be useful in helping you to understand your child and the support they need from you.
General comments:
The transgender "community" covers such a wide spectrum that we can only cover generalities here. For more specific questions, help and support please use the Rose's forum.
A couple of other links from the USA that may be useful for you:
http://www.pflag.org/eTransParent.789.0.html
http://www.transfamily.org/emailist.htm
There are also a number of articles written by parents such as:
http://www.forge-forward.org/newsletters/v07i02/parents.html
You are also welcome to call the Help line 07000 - 287878 manned by a team of Beaumont Trust volunteers on Tuesdays & Thursdays between 1900 and 2300 hours.
Copyright The Beaumont Society 2006
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