To find out/be told after many years that your partner is a closet TG is a huge shock. At one level nothing has changed … you are still living the same life with each other and the TG partner is still the same person you knew before. On another level though, everything has changed. The lies and deceit and time and money spent away from the family are hurtful. You also have to confront issues to do with TGism and your own identity that you may never have had to think about before. These may be easy to understand on an intellectual level, but more difficult to deal with on an emotional one.

  A lot of support and reassurance is needed at this time, especially from your TG partner. Unfortunately this may not be forthcoming. The TG partner may well feel such relief at not having to live a secret life anymore, that although they are more relaxed and easier to live with in some ways, they forget that to a large extent they have just dumped all their problems on you … especially the burden of secrecy. This may be very isolating as it gets increasingly difficult to make up excuses to other family members who are not aware of the situation.

  A TG partner needs to remember this and try not to be too self-focused and forget that for you it is all new territory. In some ways the TG aspect is easier to cope with than some of the self-focused behaviour that goes with it. It is often the lack of support by a TG partner, after the revelation of TGism, that spells doom for a relationship, rather than the TG issues themselves.

  Gail - Roses Forum

Copyright 2005 Rose's Repartee Magazine