Firstly, let me say I am a 'real' woman and I have a crossdressing husband. Also, I'll admit, I'm not happy about it. Not happy at all. However, my feelings about crossdressing are complex - as I am sure they are for any wife/partner.

I read this article with a growing sense of annoyance. Coleman has chosen to use the results of a survey, which was only conducted with men, to extrapolate and expand those results to give reasons why a woman might have difficulties with cross dressing. Whatever the men asked in the survey might THINK their wives/partners are feeling, they cannot KNOW and this survey did not ask the wives/partners directly. Nor is there any understanding on Coleman's part as to why the women might be 'scornful' or 'dismissive' or patronising' or 'refuse to understand'. There is only scorn from Coleman that I (as a wife) am missing out on 'a lot of fun by being so selfish, narrow minded and disapproving.' This just shows to me that this article is nothing about why 'some women get so upset'. It is so biased towards the tranny (or at least Coleman's idea of one) and so inconsiderate of the wife/partner.

I did not find out my hubby was a crossdresser until after 11 years of marriage. The result of this revelation was that within months I was getting migraines, suffering with sickness and diarrhoea and finally had to go on antidepressants. Thankfully, with an understanding husband, I am now off the antidepressants when it became clear that it was the crossdressing that was causing my depression.

I have struggled with this now for 4 years. He struggled with it for about 20 years before finally accepting himself. And this is, I think, the main problem that Coleman chooses to ignore. Let me repeat those numbers of years. Hubby has thought about this for over 20 years (that's two decades!). I have only known for 4. How dare you tell me that I should suddenly change my worldview in a second, a day, a week or even a month, when it has often taken the tranny years to get to theirs! Just because hubby decides to finally tell me about his crossdressing, I should somehow be grateful, accepting and totally understanding of how difficult it is for him!

I am trying to understand this. But I cannot change me anymore than he can change himself. He cannot 'get rid of' the crossdressing, but I also cannot suddenly change my worldview to accept it. My whole upbringing and understanding of the world, my worldview, is the foundation on which the rest of me is built. This is the same for everyone. When hubby told me he crossdressed he severely shook that foundation. Who I am, what I stand for, where I'm going, why I'm here - all of this is called into question. The fundamental elements of me have been undermined. Coleman wonders why women are 'scornful' or 'dismissive' or patronising' or 'refuse to understand'. How can I understand my crossdressing other half when I now don't understand me? The scorn, the dismissal, the 'trying to control', the 'not understanding' are coping mechanisms. And as a wife I need my crossdressing husband to be understanding of me when I just can't get to where he wants me to be.

As for being 'selfish' - I do not stop him from dressing. But even if I did, how is this 'selfish'? I am trying to cope as best I can. If this means I don't want to know, don't want to see, restrict the dressing at home to certain times/days/circumstances then I am at least saying that this is the limit of what I can do. If you try to push more then I will either end up, at best, resentful that I now obviously don't matter in this relationship so I'll leave, or, at worst, very depressed and suicidal.

From the wife's point of view it is very 'selfish' of the tranny to insist on dressing whenever they like, wherever they like and however they like with no consideration as to the effects on their wife/partner.

Thankfully my husband considers my feelings too and only dresses once a month - outside the home. I don't see him dressed. I know he would like to dress more, but if he did I would be back on the anti-depressants. This is as much as I can cope with for now. Who knows how my feelings or world view will change over the next sixteen years ?

I think there are a lot of wives who do not 'approve' of the crossdressing, but who are trying to cope with it for the sake of the love they have for their husbands. They need to know that their husband loves them enough to make some efforts to understand them in return and not just get the unloving response of 'well, this is how I am. Like it or not!' As a crossdresser with a partner you need to ask yourself if you want to crossdress more than you want to love your other half. Because that's how it can look to them.

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